Hey. I'll make this more interesting later. Or not.
OK, it's later. Hmm... *wind whistles through trees*. I really like those red gummy sweets that are shaped like lips. I think they're called Hot Lips. Except they're not hot. But that shouldn't matter! Why enforce silly rules about sweet temperature in an already overly bureaucratic world? Eh?
Prove you're worthy enough to read about my shitty and insignificant life by commenting with the following:
1. A 1000 word essay on why I'm so damn great and my LiveJournal is the most interesting you've *ever* read.
2. A 2567 word essay on the significance of roundabouts in modern playgrounds, concentrating particularly on their shape, size and how many seats they have.
3. Naked photos of yourself covered in raspberry jam, spread across the flanks of an elephant wearing a cowboy hat that has previously actually been worn by a cowboy, not just some crappy replica from Claire's Accessories.
The first 10 people to reply will automatically get in, regardless of whether I know or like them. The rest will be subject to a strict vetting process that will include background checks on time spent at Her Majesty's Pleasure, how many drugs consumed and first cousin's shoe size.
I like intelligent, creative, unusual, witty and funny people. But since you're on here, you probably already are one of those five. I ain't bad at sucking up.
"BLURN!" "Take it off or I'll break it off." <--- One to use in everyday life. "Spank my ass and call me Charlie!" "Tragedy is when someone cuts their finger. Comedy is when someone falls down an open sewer and dies." "You're just too good to be true, can't take my eeeeeyyy... ohhhhyesican." <--- Not so funny written down.
User Number: 3175479
Number of Posts: 80
Laz is ginger, small and has a senile, bollockless feline that is ironically named 'Nuts'. She likes to eat cake, more cake, doughnuts, blocks of lard spread thickly with butter and low fat muesli. She likes the finer things in life, including caviar, chandeliers, Rolls Royces and those new cans with the ring-pull lids. She is also a fan of cheap-shot comedy programmes like Red Dwarf and Little Britain.
Strengths: Dress collection to rival a very experienced dress collecter and enough high heeled shoes to poke out the eyes of the entire cast of 'Lord of The Rings' including all those Orcs.
Weaknesses: Texting people with the prowess of a Nokia-endowed Sharon, food, clothes, the exchange of too much money for trivial, unnecessary items.
Special Skills: Rolling tongue in an amusing Mexican Wave parody, nose wiggling like a rabbit, finely tuned sense of the wrong direction.
Weapons: Stiletto heels and plastic kiddies pirate sword and retractable knife set.